A surrogacy program is an incredibly mindful process, as it can be a difficult decision to make. Any potential surrogate must meet our criteria regarding age, mental/physical health, and lifestyle. Alongside these requirements, the woman who helps you become a parent must be perfect for your family. Therefore, before you can make a final decision, it is important to get to know your surrogate.
In this post, we include tips for meeting your surrogate for the first time. We explain how to prepare for the initial introduction, how to understand if your surrogate is right for you, how to build good communication with her, and highlight important questions to ask a potential surrogate mother.
Tips for the First Meeting with Your Surrogate
Meeting your potential surrogacy match is a very exciting moment. Between all of the overwhelming emotions and stress, you may forget everything you intended to ask. Be sure to spare some time to prepare beforehand so that you can discuss all of the details and be able to decide if this woman suits your family’s needs. Keep the following tips in mind.
Before your first interaction with the surrogate, take a look at her profile, and take note of what you may want to ask her about. Highlight the most controversial facts about her or the program, and prepare a few clarifying questions to avoid miscommunication.
On the other hand, you should keep in mind that this woman has already decided to take part in the program. Do your best to make your conversation as amiable as possible.
Finally, before the meeting starts, ensure any video calling apps, webcams, and mics work properly if meeting online. If you are meeting in person, be sure to come to the venue at least 30 minutes ahead of time to make yourself more comfortable. Plan your time in advance so that you can give this first meeting your undivided attention.
2. Consider the communication channels
Be ready to discuss how communication with your surrogate will work. This is especially imperative today, as the COVID pandemic has led the World Health Organization to recommend refraining from travel. Take into account such limitations and discuss your plans to keep in touch during the surrogacy. Here are examples of some questions to ask:
- Will you get in touch during pregnancy? How often and via what tools?
- What will happen after the birth of the child?
- Will she be seeing the baby for some time?
- How should you schedule your meetings during the journey?
All of these questions should be discussed before the program starts.
3. Try to relax
Try not to be nervous before the initial meeting. The primary purpose of this is to get introduced to each other and make a good first impression, not to stress about the future. You can think about the more important decision later on, comparing any and all the factors, or pros and cons.
4. Tell your story
Tell your surrogate about yourself, your family, and why you chose surrogacy. A match meeting for surrogates and intended parents is meant to allow you to make close contact, leave a positive impression, and develop a deeper understanding and form a relationship with the surrogate.
An extra tip from us: make a draft of your upcoming encounter and write down any of the information you’d like to share.
5. Be on the same page
Discuss both yours and the surrogate mother’s expectations regarding the process of pregnancy. You should specify how involved you plan to be in the pregnancy and childbirth.
The Questions to Ask a Surrogate Mother
Well-prepared questions will help you see whether you and your future surrogate align and hold common beliefs regarding surrogacy methodology. The more detailed your questions are, the more information you can take note of. During your first conversation with a prospective surrogate, you can discuss the following points:
1. Priorities and interests
Women decide to become surrogate mothers for a multitude of reasons — many of which align with a genuine desire to help others start families. During this conversation, you can get an idea of how important family values are for her, as well as how much they coincide with your own values.
2. How does her family feel about her decision?
Is she married? What is her partner’s attitude towards surrogacy? Only a woman who has experienced at least one healthy pregnancy can successfully partake in a surrogacy matching process. Some family members may have difficulties with this decision, and it will take some time to get used to it. But for a pregnant woman, it is extremely important to have the support of the people she loves to assist her in feeling comfortable and confident throughout the journey.
3. Does she have kids of her own?
How does she plan to explain the surrogate program to them? When you meet your surrogate match, you can discuss how this mother’s decision could affect her children. Has she already talked to them about it? Would it be stressful for them? Any tension may affect the baby, so it’s important to clarify this matter at the initial meeting.
4. Has she ever been a surrogate mother before?
Why did she choose this program? If a woman has participated in such a program before, she will be familiar with all the necessary procedures, allowing her to make the decision more consciously. The first meeting with potential surrogate mothers is the best opportunity to clarify why she chose to become a surrogate.
5. Does she realize the risks?
It is important to discuss the possibility of multiple pregnancies, and discuss beforehand if the surrogate will agree to a selective reduction in the case of multiple pregnancies. Is she aware of the risks of pregnancy termination? These aspects are better to be discussed with the expectant mother during the face-to-face meeting for surrogacy matching.
6. What are her expectations from the surrogacy journey?
This is one of the most difficult questions on the list — thus, it’s best used as a conclusion after you get to know one another. The surrogate will already feel comfortable in your company, and may also need some time to answer this question.
The surrogate mother will probably also want to ask you some questions as well. Try to be honest and open with her, as your answers can influence your future relationship.
What You Should Avoid During the Surrogacy Matching Process
Some matters should not be discussed during the first meeting with your surrogate. These questions may be irrelevant at that very moment, while others aren’t considered polite. We recommend you not to mention the following:
- Financial aspects. The main purpose of this first meeting is getting to know your surrogate. You will discuss finances during a separate contract discussion. An attorney will help you throughout this stage of the program and be able to give you detailed advice.
- A list of strict requirements. Let the first encounter take place in a more relaxed atmosphere — discuss more general questions about your surrogate’s lifestyle, profession, and habits. Personal requirements are discussed later, and can also be found in the contract. Try not to rush, and forget about formal subjects to enjoy an open conversation with your potential surrogate.
- Do not ask too many questions. The conversation at your first meeting should not be uncomfortable for either party. It isn’t a job interview, but rather a friendly conversation. Yes, you want to be cautious about choosing the woman who will bear your baby, but it’s better not to push things. Be curious without overstepping; let the surrogate answer any of your questions freely. Ask open-ended questions; this will give your surrogate room for additional details.
At Startyoursurrogacy.com, prior to the first surrogacy match meeting, the surrogate has already passed a variety of tests for eligibility. Thus, your meeting is the final stage before concluding the contract. As a rule, it involves you, your partner, and a representative of the agency. The agent will help you clarify any questions that may arise.
You can make an appointment for this meeting online. Now, our agency mostly hosts match calls as opposed to match meetings. Calls are much more convenient for those who are in different countries. However, if you wish to travel to Georgia, we can arrange this trip for you.
Your first match meeting with a potential surrogate mother of your future child should be treated like a date. During this appointment, you can get an idea as to how the relationship between you and your surrogate will develop in the future. After this meeting, you may need to search for a better match. Startyoursurrogacy.com is flexible about this process, providing parents with many options in regard to potential surrogates, as well as assisting you in finding the perfect match.